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:iconrifle1980: More from Rifle1980


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Poetry by xandra127

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Submitted on
August 16, 2012
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5,625 (1 today)
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There is a heart in a ribcage
And a brain sitting in a skull
There is a history that is void
And potential which is null

Just puddles of inspiration
Where the vast ocean once sprayed
An endless tide of moonshine
Swelled upon my parchment page

There's a brain sitting in a skull
There is a heart in a ribcage
There is ink in my fountain pen
But still no words on my page

Just embers of inspiration
Where a great fire once roared
I'll stoke it with those memories
I've been afraid of and ignored
i like the word 'ribcage' lol
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpicnic-power:
Picnic-Power Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Your poem here is amazing, I cannot wait to read more of your works. You are a really talented writer in my opinion. :)
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012   General Artist
:) thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

And thanks for watching me too! :)
Reply
:iconpicnic-power:
Picnic-Power Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Aww no thanks needed! :meow:
Reply
:iconkbeth:
KBeth Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow... I cannot tell you how many times I've felt that way!!! This one gets a fav, for sure!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012   General Artist
:) thank you very much for the comment and the fave. Oh and thanks for the watch too!
Reply
:iconadrianosart:
AdrianosArt Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Of course. Only you could turn out a stunning poem about writer's block... while having writer's block. :clap: Mind-blowing.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012   General Artist
:) it managed to get me out of my writers block. Atleast for the time being lol

thanks for the comment
Reply
:iconadrianosart:
AdrianosArt Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
No problem. Glad the writing worked.
Reply
:iconnycrainbow6:
NYCrainbow6 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student General Artist
pretty damn good for writers block :)
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012   General Artist
its funny cause i wrote a bit of a it a while ago. Then i couldnt write anything so i tried to finish it off. Theni did finish it off and i feel like i might have a few more poems in me until i retire lol
Reply
:iconnycrainbow6:
NYCrainbow6 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student General Artist
huh well it turned out uuuuuuuuhMAZING!!! well lol you got plenty of time before you retire so get typing :p
Reply
:iconakashi-kun:
akashi-kun Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012
AWEEEESSOOOOOMMMEEEEE!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012   General Artist
yyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy ! thankkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuu !!
Reply
:iconjunk-romantic:
Junk-Romantic Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Writer
I've been having writers block for the past year! And this my friend is amazing! Its so simple but still meaningful. :D
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012   General Artist
:D thank you so much!
Reply
:iconleafthegreat:
LeafTheGreat Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
When I have a writers block, I just kill someone and move on :P
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012   General Artist
its one solution i suppose :D i might give it a go lol
Reply
:iconacidicstormclouds:
AcidicStormclouds Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Student Writer
^This
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012   General Artist
:iconimhappyplz:
Reply
:iconacidicstormclouds:
AcidicStormclouds Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Student Writer
:dummy:
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:iconredlink5050:
Redlink5050 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012
very nice.... i've been on a writers block for a while i just can't come up with a story to go with any beginings....
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012   General Artist
its horrible isnt it. And the more you try the worse it seems to get. Its funny how writing this has sort of got me out of mine.

thanks for reading and commenting :)
Reply
:iconredlink5050:
Redlink5050 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012
yea it takes time to really get going.
welcome!
Reply
:iconninjapixiex3:
NinjAPixiEX3 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So true.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012   General Artist
thanks for reading and commenting :)
Reply
:iconhalcyal:
Halcyal Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
The poem holds some nice idea-play and articulation of its thematic concept. A small point on general mechanics (and I might be mistaken), though. It seems to me that the poem is reaching for consistent meter and cadence, but is just missing out on catching hold of them, creating an effect where the inner ear is drawn toward finding and listening for rhythm and then is repeatedly left a little frustrated. It's a close thing, though; close on the cusp, nearly there, if that's what you were trying for. So, you have my encouragement; keep working at it.
Reply
:icongentlepeace:
GentlePeace Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is awesome, I remember writing a poem about this
Not as good at this :D
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
i bet it was :)

thanks for the comment :)
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:iconnekoninja13:
NekoNinja13 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
nice, this is how i feel
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
thank again for comment and fave :)
Reply
:iconstarcrystalshattered:
StarCrystalShattered Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Ack. This is me to a tee. For the last couple of days, actually :iconsweatdropplz:
As such I really like the way you describe this feeling. I usually hear it being described as frustrating, which it is, but you capture how downright depressing it is. It makes you feel as empty as your page...
In short I love this poem. It's so inspiring! It's making me want to try to write some more, and I can't thank you enough for that ;w;
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
:) I am glad i could be of some help.

thanks so much for a lovely comment and hope you find inspiration soon if you havent already :)
Reply
:iconstarcrystalshattered:
StarCrystalShattered Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Thanks ^^
Reply
:iconalivethroughart:
alivethroughart Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
it happens to me all the time - even when emotions and words fill my head in my moments of contemplation, I cannot get them on the page in any pleasing way :doh::iconhomerdohplz:;) - you describe it well Collin
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
yeah, and I dont know if its just me but the more I write the higher my standards become and the less satisfied I am with what i write lol

I so often upload poems and then delete straight away because I'm not happy. And i still get nervous uploading now which is silly really because people are always so lovely :)
Reply
:iconhalcyal:
Halcyal Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
Ever as we climb higher on the hill, we gain perspective on how low we truly remain and how much higher up the true peaks are than we ever realized from below. It's an odd conundrum; the feeling of slipping back even as one trudges forward, and yet it tantalizes, too, offering up a better view of the heights above that yet wait to be soared. It can be wearying, yes, but, with the right frame of mind, it can also lure and propel us on.

P.S. Hmm. Something odd happened when I submitted this. Hopefully it doesn't become a double post.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
i received two comments from you and i appreciate both very much.

Its great to have constructive criticism to look back on like this as i am quite new to poetry. I have never studied it and rarely read it.

thanks again for taking time to do that :)
Reply
:iconzara94:
Zara94 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"But still no words on my page" either TuT
lovely poem!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
thank you! :)
Reply
:iconzara94:
Zara94 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem! :D
Reply
:iconnykiilynn:
NykiiLynn Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lots of big words
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
:D thank you for reading and commenting
Reply
:iconswishyskirt:
swishyskirt Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012
I love this! The comparisons of the 2nd and 4th stanza especially. The first stanza is simple and matter-of-fact, encouraging your readers to continue deeper into the poem. Something about the 3rd stanza feels off. Maybe because the second line starts with the word "there" again instead of following the pattern of the first stanza and starting with "And". Also, the word "my" in the third line of the third stanza seems too personal after describing your heart and and brain as just A brain and A heart. In contrast, I think declaring ownership by using the word "my" really works when describing your parchment and page, because these are blank, representing YOUR writer's block.

The last stanza is by far my favorite, for you convey the solution to any writer's block with such beautiful clarity. "I'll stoke it with those memories I've been afraid of and ignored," You speak of the personal sacrifice every great writer must take in order to instill life in their work. Well done!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
such a great comment and very helpful, thank you :)

i really appreciate the constructive criticism :)
Reply
:iconvanshira:
Vanshira Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
What I do is write down a name, and invent the character it belongs to. It doesn't always get me writing, but it makes me feel more creative.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012   General Artist
thats a really good idea :)

thanks for reading this and commenting :)
Reply
:iconkittyloveswolf:
Kittyloveswolf Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012
That's very accurate. I get it all the time, which is very annoying.
Reply
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