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:iconrifle1980: More from Rifle1980


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Literature by DSteffi

poetry by tabbycat21


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Submitted on
November 14, 2013
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I am living in the shadow of my potential
And lately patience seems to be in short supply
While expectation overflows in abundance
Pipe dream, is it not enough that I have tried?

No, I can not accept that you are a failure
The words you chose were ever so carefully placed
It should be of no importance whatsoever
If the message conveyed was not to their taste

I am living in the shadow of my potential
I’m in utero but I will be somebody soon
Burst through these rusty pipes that corrode my dreams
And flood the floor of my creative womb

May I suggest that you are already someone
And that each stroke you paint is as desired
From your cold creative heart to your burning hand
It’s no concern of yours if it doesn’t catch fire
realityisfarlessexciting
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:iconmistymouser:
MistyMouser Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014
I really loved most of this poem but I'm not to sure on the last two lines. I don't know if it's because I don't have as much of a connection to them but they seem like they are on a slightly different vibe then the rest of the poem. Regardless, great work. I think this is more abstract then some of your other work but it turned out very nicely. I would love to see even more "experiments" in your writing in the future!
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   General Artist
hey :)

thank you for the feedback and critique on this poem. I do appreciate it.

thanks for the fave too!
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:iconcristalee:
Cristalee Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student Writer
it's very good although you should try to make free verse poetry, sometimes finding rhymes for every word strickens the poem
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013   General Artist
hey :)

sometimes i do think about trying to do free verse but i am not sure i could.

Also i think there are two ways of looking at it. I actually see it as a challenge to find the right words. I try hard (and sometimes admittedly fail) to not always go with the obvious rhyme and discover new words that will fit. Helps expand my vocabulary.

But i definitely take your point on board and thank  you for commenting :)
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:iconcristalee:
Cristalee Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013  Student Writer
It's all about reading and having the right inspiration. I wrote a lot in rhymed verse and I get what you're saying. You can still write on rhymed verse and look up new vocabulary :)
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:iconblacksilhoutte:
BlackSilhoutte Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Great work!
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013   General Artist
thank you! :)
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:iconiambadatdrawing:
Iambadatdrawing Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
This is amazing! Can I put this up for a Daily Deviation? It deserves it.
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013   General Artist
that is very kind of you :) i have never had a daily deviation so that would be very cool to be put up for one :) thank you
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:iconiambadatdrawing:
Iambadatdrawing Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
If I knew how to vote for you, I would. xD 
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