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My worries are a reservoir
Her worries are a lake
In that they’re very real indeed
Whereas mine are very fake

Invented to seek attention
Lies, oh despicable lies
One day I’ll drown in metaphors
Please be sure to sympathise

But while you show me this concern
Who'll be looking out for her
Blood curdling screams from my mouth
She is nil by mouth and verse

I have cried wolf so many times
She can’t even cry her own tears
My lies are spun in silk cobwebs
My spinneret shrouding your ears

I spoon fed you daily doses
So it was easier to digest
I planted those seeds of sorrow
Your fertile mind did the rest

Lies, all those despicable lies
What ever could be more obscene
Perhaps a girl that no one heard
Who was found dead at age sixteen
hello. this poem isnt't about me or specifically anyone I know. Just an observation of people in general :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconryolo132:
ryolo132 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
I love just reading this!
I noticed recently how it starts off talking about the girl, but then it drags you away from her, almost doesn't mention her near the end, as if she's just forgotten and then BOOM it hits you like a tree.
Fantasmic.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   General Artist
:)yeah, I am glad you said that as it was the affect i was trying to achieve.

thank you for your comment :)
Reply
:iconbroken-blues:
Broken-Blues Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
amazing, i really loved this one, especially the metaphors
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   General Artist
:) thank you! :iconluvluvplz:
Reply
:iconwaiting-for-wings:
waiting-for-wings Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow this is amazing
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconofelialoov:
ofelialoov Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is very touching... And amazing. Great work!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013   General Artist
glad you like it, thank you :)
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   Writer
It's a very true observation.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   General Artist
thanks for reading and commenting on this :)
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   Writer
No problem
Reply
:iconvlonev:
VLoneV Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely stunning work
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
thank you very much :)
Reply
:iconvlonev:
VLoneV Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome
Reply
:iconredheadedbitch:
RedHeadedBitch Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   Writer
Powerful, moving, and overall well spoken. Great job
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
really glad you liked it, thank you :)
Reply
:icondarkumah:
DarkUmah Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this poem. It has an interesting view on life and people.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
:) glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting on it
Reply
:iconixtaek:
Ixtaek Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
This is lovely and very well written! The only line that seems a bit off is "My spinnaret shrouding your ears"... it just seems a little long, but I'm no pro. Keep up the good work!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
thanks for the comment and for your feedback too :) i appreciate it
Reply
:iconwest-117:
West-117 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Wow, this is beautifully done and I love how you established such a good rhythm
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
thank you, really kind of you :)
Reply
:iconnightlynxness:
nightlynxness Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
SO sad, and so very beautiful. *appreciative sigh*
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
:) thank you
Reply
:iconlydiamay:
Lydiamay Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sad, but beautiful! I like the first stanza (I think that is the correct term?) the best; it flows perfectly.
I don't know if you want critiques? If not, you can just ignore the rest. ;)

After the 1st stanza some of them, while still sounding lovely, get a little awkward to say I think. Your syllable count starts to jump around. For example, every first and third line in the stanzas have 8 syllables, and I think you wanted every 2nd and fourth one to have six syllables, but several of the second lines are 7, 8, or 9. I think if they fit the pattern, it would just make the poem even better. But if not, it still is a very well written and emotional poem!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
I really appreciate you taking time to read this and give comment and critique. It's always welcomed really as I am quite a newcomer still to poetry.

thank you :)
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Can you shed some light for me on the "I have cried wolf so many times"
Sorry, but there is completely no punctiation and I can't understand some parts.
(Oh, only a coma at the end)
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
i apologise for that. My punctuation is always terrible

:) 'cried wolf' is derived from an idiom [link]

thanks for reading this and commenting
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, you really helped me out :)
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013   General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconred-wolf-26:
Red-Wolf-26 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
'I have cried wolf so many times' relates to the story of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' where basically he pretended there was a wolf coming to eat the sheep as a prank so many times that when there actually was one, no one believed him. So in the poem I think it means he's lied so many times that when he tells the truth no one believes him.

As for there being no punctuation, it's a poetic technique called enjambment.
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
With all my respect to your answer, but I want to know what the writer has to say about this.
Reply
:iconred-wolf-26:
Red-Wolf-26 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know, but as the writer hadn't yet replied I felt I might as well share my knowledge when someone is asking a question.
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, of course, you did a good thing.
Reply
:iconcuddleslut17:
CuddleSlut17 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Tragic. This piece is my new favorite. It delivers a message I think everyone at any age should hear. Always a pleasure to read your work. :)
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
aww thank you :) :hug:
Reply
:iconcuddleslut17:
CuddleSlut17 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your very welcome :)
Reply
:iconmisstsukii:
MissTsukii Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"She is nil by mouth and verse" very well written line.... !
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013   General Artist
glad you liked that bit :) thanks for commenting
Reply
:iconmountainmew:
MountainMew Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Student Writer
Despite the odd wording, I actually really like the writing in this poem. The metaphors are really interesting to me.
I wish I had more to say about this other than I liked it. It's really kind of simple, yet interesting.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
:) I am glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this is incredibly perfect. i can't even describe how relevant this is to my life. you're an amazing writer. keep doing what you're doing.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
:) it means a lot to me that you say that. It makes it all worth while knowing that something I write would be relevant to someone else. Thank you :)
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
writing touches the soul more than anything i think when people do it right :)
Reply
:iconlordofstupidity:
LordofStupidity Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
*doesn't know what to say and just faves* Shouldn't "Who'll be looking out for her" have a question mark at the end? Actually, commas and question marks could be placed at several parts, I'm just kinda lazy to point hem all out^^;
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
lol you were too lazy to point them out and I was too lazy to put them in, in the first place.

I am not sure about the question mark as it was more of a rhetorical question. But it probably should have one. I should know these things really lol.

anyway thank you for the fave :)
Reply
:iconlordofstupidity:
LordofStupidity Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Lazy ness overcomes all lol
No problem
Reply
:iconneko-mancer:
neko-mancer Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
This is very very beautiful, and very sad:(
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
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