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poems and sayings by XdarkXnXdeadlyX

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Submitted on
April 7


4,734 (1 today)
319 (who?)
Does mother notice my visits to the bathroom
Have become more frequent of late?
And how they always seem to be after meal times
When with my parents I’ve just ate

Does she stand in the hall outside the bathroom
With her ear pressed against the door?
Wondering why the tap is running so fast
And what I’ve flushed the toilet twice for

Has she seen all of the empty sweet wrappers
Hidden under my bed when she cleans?
Does she fully understand the significance
Of what this behaviour actually means?

Is purge even a word in her vocabulary
To which she’s able to define?
Does she believe my words or my sunken eyes
When I insist to her that I am fine?

Does father notice that I spend many hours
In front of our full length mirror?
Intensely staring at my pathetic reflection
Yet the image never becomes clearer

I see something different to what he can see
A distortion of his little girl
Whose control over this food and this eating
Is the only control she has in this world

Has he tried to ignore the scars on my knuckles
From forcing my hand down my throat?
Does he understand the fear that builds within me
When my stomach begins to bloat?

Is purge even a word in his vocabulary
To which he’s able to define?
I just want this food out from under my skin
And all these thoughts from out of my mind
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belarusian Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god snuggy sob 
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014   General Artist
aww :) thanks for the comment
charmzof Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Beautiful. It conveys the psychological struggle as well as the physical one.
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner May 9, 2014   General Artist
thank  you :) I appreciate the comment and fave.
Euxiom Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
Excellent job, the rhyming is spot on. :D
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014   General Artist
thank you :)
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is really interesting. I feel like I can connect with it (I've never had bulimia, but I used to make myself throw up on occasion) and I think this is really well-written. It doesn't glamorise it; it says it like it is. 

Good job! :hug:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014   General Artist
thank you for the comment :)

Your page has actually been recommended to me by someone who commented on this poem :) I am already impressed with the quality of your work and quantity. It's hard to know where to start with so much to choose from :)

Oh and i love your name. I am a big Nirvana fan :)
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student General Artist
beautifully done. I've just given a speech for a class about eating disorders. I actually did tell them about how much I used to struggle with eating disorders. (of course, you never stop struggling. you just start struggling less.)
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014   General Artist
yeah, i thought about you and conversations we have had in the past about this while writing the poem.

i know what you mean too, i never feel the struggle is over. The fact i still think about eating means its not over i suppose
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