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Does mother notice my visits to the bathroom
Have become more frequent of late?
And how they always seem to be after meal times
When with my parents I’ve just ate

Does she stand in the hall outside the bathroom
With her ear pressed against the door?
Wondering why the tap is running so fast
And what I’ve flushed the toilet twice for

Has she seen all of the empty sweet wrappers
Hidden under my bed when she cleans?
Does she fully understand the significance
Of what this behaviour actually means?

Is purge even a word in her vocabulary
To which she’s able to define?
Does she believe my words or my sunken eyes
When I insist to her that I am fine?

Does father notice that I spend many hours
In front of our full length mirror?
Intensely staring at my pathetic reflection
Yet the image never becomes clearer

I see something different to what he can see
A distortion of his little girl
Whose control over this food and this eating
Is the only control she has in this world

Has he tried to ignore the scars on my knuckles
From forcing my hand down my throat?
Does he understand the fear that builds within me
When my stomach begins to bloat?

Is purge even a word in his vocabulary
To which he’s able to define?
I just want this food out from under my skin
And all these thoughts from out of my mind
realityisfarlessexciting
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbelarusian:
belarusian Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god snuggy sob 
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014   General Artist
aww :) thanks for the comment
Reply
:iconcharmzof:
charmzof Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Beautiful. It conveys the psychological struggle as well as the physical one.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner May 9, 2014   General Artist
thank  you :) I appreciate the comment and fave.
Reply
:iconeuxiom:
Euxiom Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
Excellent job, the rhyming is spot on. :D
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014   General Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is really interesting. I feel like I can connect with it (I've never had bulimia, but I used to make myself throw up on occasion) and I think this is really well-written. It doesn't glamorise it; it says it like it is. 

Good job! :hug:
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014   General Artist
thank you for the comment :)

Your page has actually been recommended to me by someone who commented on this poem :) I am already impressed with the quality of your work and quantity. It's hard to know where to start with so much to choose from :)

Oh and i love your name. I am a big Nirvana fan :)
Reply
:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student General Artist
beautifully done. I've just given a speech for a class about eating disorders. I actually did tell them about how much I used to struggle with eating disorders. (of course, you never stop struggling. you just start struggling less.)
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014   General Artist
yeah, i thought about you and conversations we have had in the past about this while writing the poem.

i know what you mean too, i never feel the struggle is over. The fact i still think about eating means its not over i suppose
Reply
:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student General Artist
yeah. It's something where I think you can get better, but you're never cured.
Reply
:iconthepenvsthesword:
ThePenVsTheSword Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Student Writer
Wow. That's really just...wow.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014   General Artist
:) i am glad you liked it, thank you
Reply
:iconthepenvsthesword:
ThePenVsTheSword Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! :D Keep writing!
Reply
:iconwei-en:
wei-en Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
As much as I understand the pain that people with bulimia must go through, I simply can't connect with this poem simply because it's being blamed on the parents. It's not their fault. No parent would want and instruct their children to throw up their food. Imagine you are a mother, or a father, and found out that your child has bulimia - the news in itself is devastating. You already feel like a failure for not knowing, even though they covered it up so well. And then, to find out that in their mind your child is bitterly blaming you for the fact that they are forcing their own hand down their throat...do you think that that won't have a deep psychological effect? Before, they would have thought that their child might come to them and rely on them if they were having a problem of this magnitude. Now, they feel that they are so untrustworthy that they can't even trust themselves for the smallest thing. 

You can't even say they deserve it. Because they don't. Something like that happening to anybody would seriously fuck them up for life.
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I adored this poem, because of all the power in the words, and the "personal" feel. I didn't think the poem was blaming the parents, but rather reflecting if the parents notice the narrators bad habits. WELL DONE!
Reply
:iconlidsworth:
lidsworth Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I agree, that's why this isn't one of my favorites. 
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
it is really interesting to read your comment, When I wrote this i never had in mind to blame the parents. I suppose it was just asking the parents if they noticed what was happening under their own roof. I didnt want to blame parents but just ask the question if they would see if their was a problem with their child. I think it must be very hard situation for any parent. Young people very often close themselves off. Sometimes its simply just being a teenager other times its more serious. How they are supposed to know when something is wrong is beyond me and something i am surei will struggle with if i ever become a parent.

Thank you for your comment. It made me think a lot about how i have written the poem :)
Reply
:iconwei-en:
wei-en Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
(thank you for not blowing up in my face)

Young people tend to forget that their parents are humans. But I get what you're saying - it would be quite difficult to write a poem asking them if they noticed without having a sense of blame. The only way that I can think of is if the narrative voice actively asked them to notice as a call to help. The point could be driven further if a shade of blame was placed on the narrator themselves, but then that raises the problem of blaming the patient for their troubles...
Reply
:iconcelestine8:
Celestine8 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   Artisan Crafter
My best friend and roommate had bulemia. I was friends with her for years and lived with her for months before I noticed because it wasn't obvious and she seemed confident and happy with her body, far more confident than I. It was hard to confront her about it when I did find out, too. It's deeply personal and hard to insinuate that your friend may have an eating disorder in a nice way, that doesn't offend.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
yeah, it is such a difficult situation. Hopefully the friend will have seen that you had her best interests at heart if you did confront her.

thanks for commenting and sharing your experiences :)
Reply
:icondarksack100:
darksack100 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Dont ask me these questions. I dont know.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
i will try googling it instead :D
Reply
:icondarksack100:
darksack100 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Ok then! get to it and tell me what turns up!
Reply
:iconboogirl2:
Boogirl2 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very touching to me, I had suffered from a eating disorder. Not this but anorexia, at 17 I was 80lbs if I was lucky. I, after having children I have not slipped back though my weight weighs heavy on me. I weigh a lot more than I wish. This is wonderful. Sorry for the rambling.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
i feel for you, i really do. I know how it feels, its a constant battle isnt it.

Currently i am happy with my weight but i know i can slip back into old habits at any time. In fact i was thinking about this the other day. People might look at me now and think i am slim and a healthy weight but inside i am still the same and it would only take one wrong decision to go back to the old days.

thank you so much for the comment and sharing your thoughts :)
Reply
:iconmarbearcarebear:
marbearcarebear Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
my life.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
I am sorry to hear that. I wish i could do more than write a poem about it. You are not alone though :)

thank you for commenting 
Reply
:iconmarbearcarebear:
marbearcarebear Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
<3 <3 <3 that's so sweet and actually very touching :3 
i really enjoyed this! 


oh, and thank you so much for the watch~
Reply
:iconlidsworth:
lidsworth Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Have you told your parents that your doing this to yourself? Very nice, and very creative, but I must say, I don't like it. 
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
hi :) thank you for the comment. Fortunately although I do have issues with food, i do not myself have bulimia. Having said that i find it very easy to imagine how people feel in that situation. If it wasnt for a good family around me i could have easily slipped into those bad habits growing up.

thank you for your comment :)
Reply
:iconlidsworth:
lidsworth Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
No problem, and I just want you to know that it is a good poem, it really is! It's not my taste, i just don't want you to think I'm coming off as rude or anything like that!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
oh i understand completely :) Every opinion is welcomed by me. I do appreciate that you gave it a chance though and read it :)
Reply
:iconunicornhearts0000:
unicornhearts0000 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
Oh my goodness, someone needs to make this a song, it is so beautiful
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
thank you :) i would love that if someone did
Reply
:iconunicornhearts0000:
unicornhearts0000 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
If I could I would, maybe sometime in the future, I'd give you proper credit and everything
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014   General Artist
that would be really cool :)
Reply
:iconunicornhearts0000:
unicornhearts0000 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
Glad you think so :)
Reply
:iconivy020:
ivy020 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is really touching, and deserves a reward. Now, I have a much clearer image of peole with this disorder. Also, Queen Diana had this, no?
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
oh yeah Princess Diana did have it i think.

thank you for reading and commenting :)
Reply
:iconzeipes:
Zeipes Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
What inspired this? If that's not too personal a question to ask.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
hi :)

well I dont suffer from bulimia but i have always had issues with food so its not too much of a leap for me to imagine what it must be like. In the past i tended to have over ate to fill some sort of empty space in my life but i have never purged. It must be a horrible situation to get into.

thanks for reading my poem and commenting :)
Reply
:iconzeipes:
Zeipes Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Oh yeah sure, it was nothing. When I read poems, something that resides deep within me has the strongest urge to know the insight of it. So with poems that the authors are deceased, something nags at me to find my own reasoning until I'm as satisfied as I can possibly be. Even then, I'm not satisfied. But we are humans, and I guess that's in our nature to continually gather knowledge to our furthest capabilities.CURSE YOU! 
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
I do a similar thing with movies. The moment i have finished a movie i have to go on wikiepedia and read everything about the plot to make sure i havent missed anything at all lol

with most of my poems i normally take a situation i have been in and expand on it or try and imagine how someone would feel in that situation. It is what i love most about writing, putting myself in someone elses shoes. Or trying to :)
Reply
:iconzeipes:
Zeipes Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I enjoy it when people do that:) (Smile)  it makes the poems or stories more relatable.
Reply
:icon1kuroshitsuji1:
1Kuroshitsuji1 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so well written!
You managed to capture all the elements of those who suffer from this making a powerful read. 
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
Thank you.  I am glad you liked it :)
Reply
:iconsarcasticgiraffe:
SarcasticGiraffe Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:o
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014   General Artist
:o  :D  thanks for reading my poem!
Reply
:iconsarcasticgiraffe:
SarcasticGiraffe Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem! it was excellent
Reply
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