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:iconrifle1980: More from Rifle1980


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Literature by DSteffi

Writing by SecretlyFading

Poems by NykiiLynn


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Submitted on
October 23, 2012
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1.3 KB
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681
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35
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It was a lonely cold winter's day
Not cold enough to freeze the leaves
But cold enough that as I exhale
It made visible this air that I breathe

The frozen grass around the pond
Creaks under my lead weight feet
Only fog alone will now obscure
What lies beneath the ice sheet

Are mine the only eyes to see her
Why is she still in her night clothes
Will she not be cold alone down there
Perhaps she has long since froze

And if so how does she talk to me
Knowing exactly how I think
Staring so long into her face
One day I'm sure I saw her blink

It was a lonely cold winter's day
I'd been here many times before
My parents told me to stay away
But my dreams told me to ignore

School became a preoccupation
As did food and a good nights sleep
I'd close my eyes and I'd see the girl
Not only blinking but she'd weep

Maybe I found her for a reason
While passers by came and went
And as the end of winter approached
I asked what would become of my friend

Would she rise to the surface for me
Or sink solemnly out of my life
I don't want to be alone again
So I take my first step onto the ice
x
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Your piece is featured here! vegetabelle.deviantart.com/art…
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013   General Artist
:) i already saw it before i saw this :D thank you!
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Student General Artist
Ha Ha Ha! You're fine. ^_^
Reply
:iconcase-adia:
Case-adia Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
So pretty and sad. I love it! It's like we're right in the narrator's head and feeling what he/she is feeling. Good job :)
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner May 13, 2013   General Artist
oh that is really good to hear as that was the effect I was going for :)

thank you
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:iconcase-adia:
Case-adia Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
You're welcome! :D
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:iconnightlynxness:
nightlynxness Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Beautiful!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013   General Artist
thank you!
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:iconskyesteiner:
SkyeSteiner Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Writer
:iconloveloveplz: I love it~!
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012   General Artist
:D thank you very much
Reply
:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh. My. This is currently my favorite poem you've written. It makes me want to scream that's how amazing it is. The descriptions are so good it makes me feel like I'm there.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012   General Artist
:)I am so happy you like it.

When i write something like this i always imagine myself there as the character, almost like its a movie. Its just finding the words that is the hard part :)
Reply
:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student General Artist
That itself was poetic. You should write about that. like seriously.
Reply
:iconmentalandlovingit:
mentalandlovingit Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You must get so tired of my repetitive comments, but this is phenomenal as usual, with the same gripping emotion portrayed through your words as always. :)
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012   General Artist
:) oh i never get tired. I am just a normal guy (well almost normal lol) and its amazing to hear your like something i write. Its sometimes hard to take it in when someone praises me. But i do really appreciate it :) It gives me such confidence to continue writing

thank you :)
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:iconpapership-lonewalker:
Ice cool ............................or Ace cool that poetry
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012   General Artist
:D thats really kind of you, thanks!
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:iconnykiilynn:
NykiiLynn Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is amazing. i usually dont fall for poetry like this, but this is... i mean.. wow.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012   General Artist
:) aww glad you liked it, thank you
Reply
:iconnycrainbow6:
NYCrainbow6 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student General Artist
one word: LOVE!
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012   General Artist
one word : THANKS SARA YOU ARE AWESOME!

ok that was more than one word :D
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:iconnycrainbow6:
NYCrainbow6 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student General Artist
hahaha awwwwwwww thanks :D but really i did love it!!!!
Reply
:iconskydiving6pwnsall:
skydiving6pwnsall Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't knw what to say O.O
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
:D aww thanks, so staring eyes say it all lol
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:iconconvictionbylarm:
ConvictionbyLarm Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student General Artist
now I feel melancholy
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
i should have put a melancholy warning on it lol

thanks for reading and commenting :)
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:icondsteffi:
DSteffi Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You are one of the people who remind me why I love to write. Beautiful poem.
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
such a nice thing to say, thank you :)
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:iconsvitavotara:
Svitavotara Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Awesome poetry! The imagery in this is so outstanding.
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
oh thank you so much :)
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:iconsvitavotara:
Svitavotara Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
You're welcome ^^
Reply
:icongwillis:
Gwillis Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My goodness! This is amazing! This ghost of a woman slowly taking over the person, slowly dragging them away from reality. A haunting poem just in time for Halloween! Smooth Musings my friend!
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
ah yeah i should have waited a few more days till Halloween!

glad you liked it my friend :D
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:iconmorningstar5923:
morningstar5923 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist
Wow, beautiful, amazing imagery and composition.
Reply
:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012   General Artist
thank you so very much, I really do appreciate it :)
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